Dear Friend who knew me before and now knows me again. You have come into my life when all my dreams are on the plank and Im deciding to NOT go down with the ship…. it doesn’t matter what my dream was, how powerful I believed. This sinking ship shows me that to dream is a bit precocious in this life…. but to be content with what is, is very very possible.
i just want you to know this…… that you have showed up at a time in this life when I AM throwing my hands up and saying very powerfully, fuck this! ….. I am being motivated to become unstuck. I was a deeply devoted family woman for 25 years and a revolutionary for real tribe….. (way too much for most) and now i find a new life…. alone, not like i want it, but how it seems to be. I have a lover who comes and goes as he pleases. When he is with me, I am treated with such dignity and kindness, I AM the goddess. When my lover leaves, I know its right for him to go. My children also come and go as they please for I have a knack for truly loving my peeps unconditionally….. but that does not mean i don’t open my heart to possibilities that there is such thing as daily tribe with a vision and that my contribution is so very valid….
I I enjoy seeing your shining words and without apology, let you in on the fact that i am compost right now, hot with burning…. sometimes its too hot to find ways to express …. but i am proof that flowers grow better when Ive had my dip into the cauldron… so i’ll keep burnin up over here… getting rid of all i no longer need. fuck.
fuck is what the English farmers said when taking their middle finger and fucking the earth for the planting of seeds…. fuck is a word used right after you’ve thrown up your arms and given it up… given it up to a higher validity… it is the upheaval of the old and a new Heave Ho of the new…. I AM
and in this time, I invite you in… cuz in this, is the most beautiful solution I can find right now.